Our "Brand" New Lives

In the past year and a half we have relocated, added to our family, lived through a prospective change in our aging parent's living situation, and had a son go through possibly the worst year of his life.

Of course, all of this goes on with the same pressures of the every day.  It is hard to quantify or even realize how this affects us as individuals and couples. You can feel it in the moment but you cannot put your finger on what the effects are even as they settle into your subconscious mind.

And as far as the outside World is concerned you are functioning as normal and appear to be the same people you have always been.  Part of this facade is due to our ever changing World and how we communicate with each other.  Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn and YouTube create a brand you might say of what we want to portray to the Online World.

We play games with each other, we share photos and post experiences that make up our Brand. Some of those Brands are positive and some, well, not so positive.  We block people's feeds that just seem too perfect or, alternatively, cumbersome for our minds to absorb.  Although we are fascinated to peer into our Online friend's lives we really are not involved in their lives.

Rarely, if ever, do we pick up the phone and actually talk to someone.  This eliminates hearing what is in their voices and actually connecting on a level where you may pick up on nuances or tones that enable us as human beings to empathize and share on a level that may somehow piece together something that helps one or the other.

Even greater than that is the diminishing of the "Face to Face" meetings. Our valuable time is spent searching for connections "online".

This disconnect is not just between friends and family.  It is within the structure of the family circle. We email our children to provide family news, we text our spouses to pick things up at the store and even text our children to come up for dinner. We Skype family from a distance making connections that seem so marvelous in this age but the hidden danger is the loss of the actual benefit of spending time with those we love.  The games that produce giggles and fun, bantering and cajoling are becoming less and less of what we do as entertainment.

It does not mean that the love of family and friends is not there.....it is.....and will always be but it has produced a shift in our connections within the family itself.  It is somewhat like the shift from photographs to photos online.  Somewhat intangible in some sense but there on the other hand.  We are losing the touch and feel of life.

I guess what this really means to me is that I, personally, am missing that connection.  We all feel isolated and alone at some point and this technological World we live in that is helping us in so many fabulous ways is also leading us into a dangerous age of loneliness and discontent.

So much for this "Brand" of life!

The Beginning and The End

We all know how important family is to our health and well-being.  It connects us, grounds us, lifts us up and shakes us to the core. 

I read recently that family are there in the beginning and family are there in the end.   What a statement!

We had an extended family weekend and it was a photo album of moments.  Four generations gathered and shared food, laughs, tears and jokes. 

Again my story starts with my 85 year old Father telling a joke.  He has impeccable timing and tells the joke with such rhythm and depth it had all of us sharing a great moment of admiration and respect.  Seems funny when he was just telling a joke but it was the pinnacle of the event. 

His two nieces who have already lost their Dad (his brother) were totally engrossed in every word.  Lapping up all his facial expressions and words as a reminder of their Dad who resembled mine in both looks and mannerisms.  It was their chance to capture another moment with him even though he is gone.  So interesting to watch and enjoy.

Also as the food and wine was consumed I noticed that we start to see the family personalities emerge.  People are more open to being argumentative or vibrant in their speech manner and, with family, ready to start loud discussions or controversial topics that might never make it to the floor on another occasion.  Very interesting to watch and to see the strength of the lineage.


And family, being what it is, has many differences in both personality and lifestyle choices.  I also find that we are more tolerant of those within this unit.  We hope the best for our family but realize that no one is perfect and there is a level of tolerance that should be bottled and sold around the world.

And that fact that you are there for each other.  It might not be on a day to day basis but when the going gets tough you can always count on those individuals to unite and stand together.

My Mother's was the 7th of 8 children and before she turned 20 she had lost both her parents.  It is fascinating to watch how the siblings in that family have all banded together over the years and supported and been there for each other.  They celebrate  every year with a Brother/Sister Day just prior to Christmas.  The numbers are dwindling but they consistently get together to enjoy food and laughs.  Not so much card playing or joking is done anymore as some cannot manage it but they still enjoy the event and look forward to it every year.

So even though family cannot be there all the time they can and are there at the beginning and at the end.  They share so much more than genetics, they are linked together and nothing can tear that apart. 

To family!  The world is a better place because of them.

Falling into Fall

Interesting how blogging works.  You don't really feel you have anything worthwhile to say and then suddenly something inspires you. 

Just sitting at my computer working when all of a sudden my Dad scoots by the house....literally scoots on his scooter.  How cute it that?

It is hard to imagine what 85 is like as an age but I am really hopeful that I have the same zest for life that he does at 85.  He is like a young boy out on his bike.  "Be home by suppertime"  I imagine my Mom yelling as he heads for the door. 

Last year at this time I really wondered if my Dad would reach 85 but he managed to pull it together and carry on and we are very happy he did.  He has witnessed me becoming a Grandparent which sheds light on a whole new level of family.  The domino effect...my son becomes a Father, I become a Grandmother and my parents become Great Grandparents.  Wow!  Such a lot of roles we attain in a lifetime.

I have watched my parents be Grandparents for 36 years already and I really don't think the sparkle ever leaves your eye once you set sight of that perfect little production. 

My oldest nephew Joe Jr. stopped in to see my parents not too long ago and they still have the same overwhelming gush of love as they did when he popped over from next door when he was a little guy totally naked except for rubber boots. 

It is marvelous to hear my Mom call me Grandma and I have now taken to calling her G.G.

With the approach of Thanksgiving weekend next week it seems a suitable time to reflect and be thankful for a year full of great events....Dad scooting around the neighbourhood, Mom turning 80 next week, the arrival of our dear little Wallace, Tait turning 19 in a couple of weeks and slowly coming out of the teenage fog, Kyle blasting on in his educational pursuits and sharing his life with lovely Lindsay, Reilly having a great year with Tiffany becoming parents and planning their wedding in 2013, Mike biking his heart out this summer (his new passion).

All in all I really like Falling into Fall ....my favorite time of the year!

To My Mother

Howdy! Howdy! Howdy!

I just want to write about women......well in particular Mothers.....and to be exact my Mother.

She just celebrated her 79th birthday a couple of weeks ago.  Really hard to imagine since she is quite nimble and very with it for 79.

She is adamant that there will be no 80th Celebration!  Not that she doesn't want to get there.... she doesn't want to be the center of attention. The truth is that considering her today I would be very surprised not to see her here for her 80th and possibly her 90th if she continues at this rate.

It is interesting to watch the ever changing roles that women play.  My Mother has just re-entered the world of caregiver.  Not that she really ever left it but recently she has been thrown into it a bit more in the care of Joe.....her husband of almost 58 years.

I find it interesting how we just seem to metamorphosis into whatever we need to be.  Although she is in pretty good shape she still is almost an octogenarian and she cannot do everything she has always done but I notice an increased energy in her step now that she has more responsibility.  I guess that is ageless.  We all need purpose and responsibility.

I watch her now with Dad and she plays both Wife and now a wee bit of Mother to him.  Small things like playing crib with him but not really caring if she wins.....giving him way more chances to get points than normal and just happy he is there to play.  Keeping him happy!

And walking down to get the mail when it is normally Dad's job.  She had quite a spring in her step knowing that she needs to be doing the things he cannot.
Paying bills as well.  These tasks are very quickly becoming her responsibility with his approval of course.  I taught her how to pay her bills online but she still needs to ask him if it is okay to go ahead and pay the bills.  Something our generation would never even dream of doing as those roles have long since been disintegrated with men and women equally sharing the responsibilities of running a household.

It is kind of strange to watch her gain energy as he loses it.  Mother Nature is so powerful in her ways.  Preparing us for our futures without us even catching onto her sneaky little foreshadowing.

Here's to my Mom and all Women ....Mothers....Wives....Daughters....Sisters....Aunts......Caregivers.....

All the women in my life!!

Cheers!

Blog about the Blog

I just finished reading my sister's first blog which coincidentally was about us and it was lovely.  http://abster-gabster.blogspot.com/ 

Having a sister is really great and I was lucky enough to spend Easter weekend with my sister and her family and it was the best visit.  We finally have reached the age where the pressures of raising children are dwindling or at least diminished enough that we can actually share other more adult things.  We still have responsibilities but they are not as pressing and that has given us a renewed sense of sistership.

During the "busy years"  you spend all your visiting time discussing and focusing on kids...kids...kids!  Which is not a bad thing but you leave behind the sister stuff that only sisters can understand.

So to have a few days together with relatively few interruptions was amazing and we packed a lot of sister stuff into the visit.  Things that we share like fitness and cooking and baking and shopping and visiting family.  We did a lot but it flew by and suddenly it was over.

It makes you realize the value of that relationship and what it can continue to be in the future.

Just when you think your life is feeling a void from your children spreading their wings this comes along and I feel very fortunate to have such a great sister and look forward to more of these visits now.

There really is nothing like a sister!

Just passing the word along!!!

These are not my words but are a repost of something I just read......loved it and wanted to share.  This is "by Marc".  Thanks Marc.  Good to hear!!

Far more often than any of us like to admit, our actions are driven by an inner desire to impress other people.  This desire is often reflected in the brand name products we use, the bars and restaurants we frequent, the houses and cars we buy and the careers we choose.

But are name brand products, fancy bars, houses and cars really that impressive?  What about a person who holds an elite position in a career field they dislike?  Some of these things might capture our attention for a minute or two, but they won’t hold it for long.

Why?  Because tangible possessions are not as impressive as intangible qualities.

Consider the following questions:

• He drives a Porsche, but can he truly afford the car payment?
• He owns a big house, but is it a loving household?
• He makes a lot of money, but does he enjoy what he does for a living?

You get the idea.  Whenever the answer to questions like these is ‘no,’ the subject who initially appeared to be impressive no longer does.

Now take a moment and imagine a person who loves what he does for a living, smiles frequently and bleeds passion in every breath he takes.  Would he impress you?  Would it matter that he wasn’t a millionaire?

Here are 28 dignified ways to impress everyone around you.  If you practice these tips on a regular basis, they won’t just impress others, they’ll help you become a better person too.

We make a living by what we get.  We make a life by what we give.
- Winston Churchill

1. Be authentic.  Be true to yourself. – Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.”  Live by this statement.  There is no such thing as living in someone else’s shoes.  The only shoes you can occupy are your own.  If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living – you’re merely existing.  And ask yourself this:  If you don’t like who you really are, why should I like you?
2. Care about people. – If you don’t genuinely care about people, they won’t care about you.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.  Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  And so on and so forth.
3. Make others feel good. – People will rarely remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
4. Be honest and take ownership of your actions. – Nobody likes a liar.  In the long-run, the truth always reveals itself anyway.  Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
5. Smile often. – Everyone likes the sight of a genuine smile.  Think about how you feel when a complete stranger looks into your eyes and smiles.  Suddenly they don’t seem like a stranger anymore, do they?
6. Respect elders.  Respect minors.  Respect everyone. – There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.  People will notice your kindness.
7. Address people by their name. – People love the sight and sound of their own name.  So make sure you learn to remember names.  Use them courteously in both oral and written communication.
8. Say “Please” and “Thank you.” – These two simple phrases make demands sound like requests, and they inject a friendly tone into serious conversations.  Using them can mean the difference between sounding rude and sounding genuinely grateful.
9. Excel at what you do. – I am impressed by great guitarists, writers, bloggers, painters, motivational speakers, internet entrepreneurs, computer engineers, mothers, fathers, athletes, etc.  There is only one thing they all have in common: They excel at what they do.  There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right.  Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies.  Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
10. Help others when you’re able. – In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.  Everyone values the gift of unexpected assistance and those who supply it.
11. Put a small personal touch on everything you do. – Think of it as branding your work.  If you’re funny, add a little humor into it.  If you’re an artist, decorate it with illustrations.  Whatever you do, customize it with a little personal touch of ‘you.’
12. Over-deliver on all of your promises. – Some people habitually make promises they are just barely able to fulfill.  They promise perfection and deliver mediocrity.  If you want to boost your personal value in the eyes of others, do the exact opposite.  Slightly under-sell your capabilities so that you’re always able to over-deliver.  It will seem to others like you’re habitually going above and beyond the call of duty.
13. Get organized. – How can you get anything accomplished if you aren’t organized?  You can’t.  Make a regular habit of organizing your living space and working space.  For some practical organizational guidance, I recommend David Allen’s Getting Things Done.
14. Do your research and ask clarifying questions. – Don’t be that clueless dude in the room who just nods like he knows what’s going on.  Prepare yourself by doing research ahead of time.  And if something still doesn’t make sense to you, ask questions.  The people involved will respect your desire to understand the material.
15. Share knowledge and information with others. – When you can, be a resource to those around you.  If you have access to essential information, don’t hoard it.  Share it openly.
16. Be positive and focus on what’s right. – Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad.  It just depends on your perspective.  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest.  Your positivity will rub off on everyone around you.
17. Listen intently to what others have to say. – Eyes focused, ears tuned, mobile phone off.  In a world that can’t move fast enough, someone who can find time to listen to others is always appreciated.
18. Be faithful to your significant other. – Tiger Woods was everyone’s hero until recently, wasn’t he?  Sustained fidelity in a long-term intimate relationship is not only impressive, it creates a healthy foundation for everything else you do.
19. Learn to appreciate and love Mother Nature. – Those who truly appreciate and love the natural world surrounding us typically exhibit the same high regard for all humanity.  It’s a positive way to live, and it’s something people notice.
20. Invest time, energy and money in yourself every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life.  You are simply the product of what you know.  The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life and the more valuable you will be to everyone around you.  For fresh ideas on self improvement and lifestyle design, I recommend The 4-Hour Workweek.
21. Perform random acts of kindness on a regular basis. – Pay for a stranger’s coffee in line at Starbucks.  Buy the office receptionist flowers just to say, “Thank you.”  Help an elderly lady with her groceries.  There’s nothing more rewarding than putting smiles on the faces around you.
22. Compliment people who deserve it. – Go out of your way to personally acknowledge and complement the people who have gone out of their way to shine.  Everybody likes to hear that their efforts are appreciated.
23. Speak clearly and make eye contact. – Most people have a very low tolerance for dealing with people they can’t understand.  Mystery does not fuel strong relationships and impressiveness.  Also, there’s little doubt that eye contact is one of the most captivating forms of personal communication.  When executed properly, eye contact injects closeness into human interaction.
24. Make yourself available and approachable. – If people cannot get a hold of you, or have trouble approaching you, they will forget about you.  Your general availability and accessibility to others is extremely important to them.  Always maintain a positive, tolerant attitude and keep an open line of communication to those around you.
25. Be self-sufficient. – Freedom is the greatest gift.  Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.  And self-sufficiency is quite impressive too.   In the business world, it’s one of the primary dreams that inspire people to give-up their day jobs to pursue entrepreneurship.
26. Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness.  How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy?  The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have.  Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
27. Be a part of something you believe in. – This could be anything.  Some people take an active role in their local city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in, and others find passion in their careers.  In each case the psychological outcome is the same.  They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.  This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.  It’s hard not to be impressed by someone who’s passionate about what they’re doing.
28. Stand up for your beliefs without flaunting them. – Yes, it is possible to stand up for your beliefs without foisting them down someone else’s throat.  Discuss your personal beliefs when someone asks about them, but don’t spawn offensive attacks of propaganda on unsuspecting victims.  Stand firm by your values and always keep an open mind to new information.

The Original Social Network

My sister visited recently from out of town and it gave us an opportunity to join our Mother for her monthly women's  Birthday luncheon.  This group of women's commonality is that at some point in their lives they have resided in the Town of Vauxhall or area.  The group started out taking turns hosting once a month in their homes so they could stay in touch with each other and celebrate their birthdays.  This has been going on for over 30 years.  The group continued to grow until it was necessary to meet in a restaurant as no one had the capability to host so many women.  This group now is almost 50 strong.

 Just to put this in perspective Vauxhall is a town of just over 1000 residents.  It is hard to imagine how strong the bonds are that tie together a community of this size and how long lasting the relationships are to keep this group growing and meeting over such a long time span with no signs of it stopping or even slowing down.

Not to mention that hardly any of them have computer skills and even fewer are on Facebook or some other Social network.  They plan each month from the last month and somehow the information highway works and they show up at the next function ready to visit and catch up with old friends.

It was remarkable to be a part of this group and see familiar faces and hear stories of how their families are doing and how many additions or deletions have happened.  And more than that it was nice to see their smiles and feel their genuine interest in our lives as we brought them up-to-date on what is happening.  The hugs and heartfelt emotion cannot be replaced inside your computer.

I am a huge Social network advocate but there really is something about those face to face "make the effort" meetings that really cannot be replaced by Facebook or Twitter.

So here's to the original Social Network...."the real deal"...."get off your butt"......"make the effort to see your friends".....network.

We could really learn a lot from this group of lovely ladies.

Cheers!