The Beginning and The End

We all know how important family is to our health and well-being.  It connects us, grounds us, lifts us up and shakes us to the core. 

I read recently that family are there in the beginning and family are there in the end.   What a statement!

We had an extended family weekend and it was a photo album of moments.  Four generations gathered and shared food, laughs, tears and jokes. 

Again my story starts with my 85 year old Father telling a joke.  He has impeccable timing and tells the joke with such rhythm and depth it had all of us sharing a great moment of admiration and respect.  Seems funny when he was just telling a joke but it was the pinnacle of the event. 

His two nieces who have already lost their Dad (his brother) were totally engrossed in every word.  Lapping up all his facial expressions and words as a reminder of their Dad who resembled mine in both looks and mannerisms.  It was their chance to capture another moment with him even though he is gone.  So interesting to watch and enjoy.

Also as the food and wine was consumed I noticed that we start to see the family personalities emerge.  People are more open to being argumentative or vibrant in their speech manner and, with family, ready to start loud discussions or controversial topics that might never make it to the floor on another occasion.  Very interesting to watch and to see the strength of the lineage.


And family, being what it is, has many differences in both personality and lifestyle choices.  I also find that we are more tolerant of those within this unit.  We hope the best for our family but realize that no one is perfect and there is a level of tolerance that should be bottled and sold around the world.

And that fact that you are there for each other.  It might not be on a day to day basis but when the going gets tough you can always count on those individuals to unite and stand together.

My Mother's was the 7th of 8 children and before she turned 20 she had lost both her parents.  It is fascinating to watch how the siblings in that family have all banded together over the years and supported and been there for each other.  They celebrate  every year with a Brother/Sister Day just prior to Christmas.  The numbers are dwindling but they consistently get together to enjoy food and laughs.  Not so much card playing or joking is done anymore as some cannot manage it but they still enjoy the event and look forward to it every year.

So even though family cannot be there all the time they can and are there at the beginning and at the end.  They share so much more than genetics, they are linked together and nothing can tear that apart. 

To family!  The world is a better place because of them.

Falling into Fall

Interesting how blogging works.  You don't really feel you have anything worthwhile to say and then suddenly something inspires you. 

Just sitting at my computer working when all of a sudden my Dad scoots by the house....literally scoots on his scooter.  How cute it that?

It is hard to imagine what 85 is like as an age but I am really hopeful that I have the same zest for life that he does at 85.  He is like a young boy out on his bike.  "Be home by suppertime"  I imagine my Mom yelling as he heads for the door. 

Last year at this time I really wondered if my Dad would reach 85 but he managed to pull it together and carry on and we are very happy he did.  He has witnessed me becoming a Grandparent which sheds light on a whole new level of family.  The domino effect...my son becomes a Father, I become a Grandmother and my parents become Great Grandparents.  Wow!  Such a lot of roles we attain in a lifetime.

I have watched my parents be Grandparents for 36 years already and I really don't think the sparkle ever leaves your eye once you set sight of that perfect little production. 

My oldest nephew Joe Jr. stopped in to see my parents not too long ago and they still have the same overwhelming gush of love as they did when he popped over from next door when he was a little guy totally naked except for rubber boots. 

It is marvelous to hear my Mom call me Grandma and I have now taken to calling her G.G.

With the approach of Thanksgiving weekend next week it seems a suitable time to reflect and be thankful for a year full of great events....Dad scooting around the neighbourhood, Mom turning 80 next week, the arrival of our dear little Wallace, Tait turning 19 in a couple of weeks and slowly coming out of the teenage fog, Kyle blasting on in his educational pursuits and sharing his life with lovely Lindsay, Reilly having a great year with Tiffany becoming parents and planning their wedding in 2013, Mike biking his heart out this summer (his new passion).

All in all I really like Falling into Fall ....my favorite time of the year!

To My Mother

Howdy! Howdy! Howdy!

I just want to write about women......well in particular Mothers.....and to be exact my Mother.

She just celebrated her 79th birthday a couple of weeks ago.  Really hard to imagine since she is quite nimble and very with it for 79.

She is adamant that there will be no 80th Celebration!  Not that she doesn't want to get there.... she doesn't want to be the center of attention. The truth is that considering her today I would be very surprised not to see her here for her 80th and possibly her 90th if she continues at this rate.

It is interesting to watch the ever changing roles that women play.  My Mother has just re-entered the world of caregiver.  Not that she really ever left it but recently she has been thrown into it a bit more in the care of Joe.....her husband of almost 58 years.

I find it interesting how we just seem to metamorphosis into whatever we need to be.  Although she is in pretty good shape she still is almost an octogenarian and she cannot do everything she has always done but I notice an increased energy in her step now that she has more responsibility.  I guess that is ageless.  We all need purpose and responsibility.

I watch her now with Dad and she plays both Wife and now a wee bit of Mother to him.  Small things like playing crib with him but not really caring if she wins.....giving him way more chances to get points than normal and just happy he is there to play.  Keeping him happy!

And walking down to get the mail when it is normally Dad's job.  She had quite a spring in her step knowing that she needs to be doing the things he cannot.
Paying bills as well.  These tasks are very quickly becoming her responsibility with his approval of course.  I taught her how to pay her bills online but she still needs to ask him if it is okay to go ahead and pay the bills.  Something our generation would never even dream of doing as those roles have long since been disintegrated with men and women equally sharing the responsibilities of running a household.

It is kind of strange to watch her gain energy as he loses it.  Mother Nature is so powerful in her ways.  Preparing us for our futures without us even catching onto her sneaky little foreshadowing.

Here's to my Mom and all Women ....Mothers....Wives....Daughters....Sisters....Aunts......Caregivers.....

All the women in my life!!

Cheers!

Blog about the Blog

I just finished reading my sister's first blog which coincidentally was about us and it was lovely.  http://abster-gabster.blogspot.com/ 

Having a sister is really great and I was lucky enough to spend Easter weekend with my sister and her family and it was the best visit.  We finally have reached the age where the pressures of raising children are dwindling or at least diminished enough that we can actually share other more adult things.  We still have responsibilities but they are not as pressing and that has given us a renewed sense of sistership.

During the "busy years"  you spend all your visiting time discussing and focusing on kids...kids...kids!  Which is not a bad thing but you leave behind the sister stuff that only sisters can understand.

So to have a few days together with relatively few interruptions was amazing and we packed a lot of sister stuff into the visit.  Things that we share like fitness and cooking and baking and shopping and visiting family.  We did a lot but it flew by and suddenly it was over.

It makes you realize the value of that relationship and what it can continue to be in the future.

Just when you think your life is feeling a void from your children spreading their wings this comes along and I feel very fortunate to have such a great sister and look forward to more of these visits now.

There really is nothing like a sister!

Just passing the word along!!!

These are not my words but are a repost of something I just read......loved it and wanted to share.  This is "by Marc".  Thanks Marc.  Good to hear!!

Far more often than any of us like to admit, our actions are driven by an inner desire to impress other people.  This desire is often reflected in the brand name products we use, the bars and restaurants we frequent, the houses and cars we buy and the careers we choose.

But are name brand products, fancy bars, houses and cars really that impressive?  What about a person who holds an elite position in a career field they dislike?  Some of these things might capture our attention for a minute or two, but they won’t hold it for long.

Why?  Because tangible possessions are not as impressive as intangible qualities.

Consider the following questions:

• He drives a Porsche, but can he truly afford the car payment?
• He owns a big house, but is it a loving household?
• He makes a lot of money, but does he enjoy what he does for a living?

You get the idea.  Whenever the answer to questions like these is ‘no,’ the subject who initially appeared to be impressive no longer does.

Now take a moment and imagine a person who loves what he does for a living, smiles frequently and bleeds passion in every breath he takes.  Would he impress you?  Would it matter that he wasn’t a millionaire?

Here are 28 dignified ways to impress everyone around you.  If you practice these tips on a regular basis, they won’t just impress others, they’ll help you become a better person too.

We make a living by what we get.  We make a life by what we give.
- Winston Churchill

1. Be authentic.  Be true to yourself. – Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.”  Live by this statement.  There is no such thing as living in someone else’s shoes.  The only shoes you can occupy are your own.  If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living – you’re merely existing.  And ask yourself this:  If you don’t like who you really are, why should I like you?
2. Care about people. – If you don’t genuinely care about people, they won’t care about you.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.  Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  And so on and so forth.
3. Make others feel good. – People will rarely remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
4. Be honest and take ownership of your actions. – Nobody likes a liar.  In the long-run, the truth always reveals itself anyway.  Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
5. Smile often. – Everyone likes the sight of a genuine smile.  Think about how you feel when a complete stranger looks into your eyes and smiles.  Suddenly they don’t seem like a stranger anymore, do they?
6. Respect elders.  Respect minors.  Respect everyone. – There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.  People will notice your kindness.
7. Address people by their name. – People love the sight and sound of their own name.  So make sure you learn to remember names.  Use them courteously in both oral and written communication.
8. Say “Please” and “Thank you.” – These two simple phrases make demands sound like requests, and they inject a friendly tone into serious conversations.  Using them can mean the difference between sounding rude and sounding genuinely grateful.
9. Excel at what you do. – I am impressed by great guitarists, writers, bloggers, painters, motivational speakers, internet entrepreneurs, computer engineers, mothers, fathers, athletes, etc.  There is only one thing they all have in common: They excel at what they do.  There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right.  Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies.  Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
10. Help others when you’re able. – In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.  Everyone values the gift of unexpected assistance and those who supply it.
11. Put a small personal touch on everything you do. – Think of it as branding your work.  If you’re funny, add a little humor into it.  If you’re an artist, decorate it with illustrations.  Whatever you do, customize it with a little personal touch of ‘you.’
12. Over-deliver on all of your promises. – Some people habitually make promises they are just barely able to fulfill.  They promise perfection and deliver mediocrity.  If you want to boost your personal value in the eyes of others, do the exact opposite.  Slightly under-sell your capabilities so that you’re always able to over-deliver.  It will seem to others like you’re habitually going above and beyond the call of duty.
13. Get organized. – How can you get anything accomplished if you aren’t organized?  You can’t.  Make a regular habit of organizing your living space and working space.  For some practical organizational guidance, I recommend David Allen’s Getting Things Done.
14. Do your research and ask clarifying questions. – Don’t be that clueless dude in the room who just nods like he knows what’s going on.  Prepare yourself by doing research ahead of time.  And if something still doesn’t make sense to you, ask questions.  The people involved will respect your desire to understand the material.
15. Share knowledge and information with others. – When you can, be a resource to those around you.  If you have access to essential information, don’t hoard it.  Share it openly.
16. Be positive and focus on what’s right. – Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad.  It just depends on your perspective.  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest.  Your positivity will rub off on everyone around you.
17. Listen intently to what others have to say. – Eyes focused, ears tuned, mobile phone off.  In a world that can’t move fast enough, someone who can find time to listen to others is always appreciated.
18. Be faithful to your significant other. – Tiger Woods was everyone’s hero until recently, wasn’t he?  Sustained fidelity in a long-term intimate relationship is not only impressive, it creates a healthy foundation for everything else you do.
19. Learn to appreciate and love Mother Nature. – Those who truly appreciate and love the natural world surrounding us typically exhibit the same high regard for all humanity.  It’s a positive way to live, and it’s something people notice.
20. Invest time, energy and money in yourself every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life.  You are simply the product of what you know.  The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life and the more valuable you will be to everyone around you.  For fresh ideas on self improvement and lifestyle design, I recommend The 4-Hour Workweek.
21. Perform random acts of kindness on a regular basis. – Pay for a stranger’s coffee in line at Starbucks.  Buy the office receptionist flowers just to say, “Thank you.”  Help an elderly lady with her groceries.  There’s nothing more rewarding than putting smiles on the faces around you.
22. Compliment people who deserve it. – Go out of your way to personally acknowledge and complement the people who have gone out of their way to shine.  Everybody likes to hear that their efforts are appreciated.
23. Speak clearly and make eye contact. – Most people have a very low tolerance for dealing with people they can’t understand.  Mystery does not fuel strong relationships and impressiveness.  Also, there’s little doubt that eye contact is one of the most captivating forms of personal communication.  When executed properly, eye contact injects closeness into human interaction.
24. Make yourself available and approachable. – If people cannot get a hold of you, or have trouble approaching you, they will forget about you.  Your general availability and accessibility to others is extremely important to them.  Always maintain a positive, tolerant attitude and keep an open line of communication to those around you.
25. Be self-sufficient. – Freedom is the greatest gift.  Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.  And self-sufficiency is quite impressive too.   In the business world, it’s one of the primary dreams that inspire people to give-up their day jobs to pursue entrepreneurship.
26. Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness.  How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy?  The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have.  Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
27. Be a part of something you believe in. – This could be anything.  Some people take an active role in their local city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in, and others find passion in their careers.  In each case the psychological outcome is the same.  They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.  This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.  It’s hard not to be impressed by someone who’s passionate about what they’re doing.
28. Stand up for your beliefs without flaunting them. – Yes, it is possible to stand up for your beliefs without foisting them down someone else’s throat.  Discuss your personal beliefs when someone asks about them, but don’t spawn offensive attacks of propaganda on unsuspecting victims.  Stand firm by your values and always keep an open mind to new information.

The Original Social Network

My sister visited recently from out of town and it gave us an opportunity to join our Mother for her monthly women's  Birthday luncheon.  This group of women's commonality is that at some point in their lives they have resided in the Town of Vauxhall or area.  The group started out taking turns hosting once a month in their homes so they could stay in touch with each other and celebrate their birthdays.  This has been going on for over 30 years.  The group continued to grow until it was necessary to meet in a restaurant as no one had the capability to host so many women.  This group now is almost 50 strong.

 Just to put this in perspective Vauxhall is a town of just over 1000 residents.  It is hard to imagine how strong the bonds are that tie together a community of this size and how long lasting the relationships are to keep this group growing and meeting over such a long time span with no signs of it stopping or even slowing down.

Not to mention that hardly any of them have computer skills and even fewer are on Facebook or some other Social network.  They plan each month from the last month and somehow the information highway works and they show up at the next function ready to visit and catch up with old friends.

It was remarkable to be a part of this group and see familiar faces and hear stories of how their families are doing and how many additions or deletions have happened.  And more than that it was nice to see their smiles and feel their genuine interest in our lives as we brought them up-to-date on what is happening.  The hugs and heartfelt emotion cannot be replaced inside your computer.

I am a huge Social network advocate but there really is something about those face to face "make the effort" meetings that really cannot be replaced by Facebook or Twitter.

So here's to the original Social Network...."the real deal"...."get off your butt"......"make the effort to see your friends".....network.

We could really learn a lot from this group of lovely ladies.

Cheers!

Middle Children

Interesting.....I am a middle child......I have a middle child and I see comments about middle children all the time.

It is something we don't work toward being on our own but take on this challenge (as it does appear to be a challenge) with vigor.

Besides actually being in the middle, we appear to always be in the middle of something.

We envy the oldest child as they always seem to have that special bond with their parents.  It is not that they are loved more....they just paved the way for our parents in their all important role and it does make their relationship different than ours with them. Of course when you are 2 you have no idea that is what you are in the middle of (pardon the pun) but you do know that you are different than your older sib.

We envy the youngest child as they too have a bond with Mom  and Dad as "the baby of the family".  Special privileges come with this position as you seem to have a more mellow set of parents who take life a bit easier and the youngest child reaps the benefits of this because if they do mess up it is really not such a big deal.  And again, at an early age this means trying to find many outrageous ways of getting some of that attention you are certainly due from Mom and Dad.

Clearly the oldest child always knows what they are doing and where they are going and the youngest child knows that whatever they do it will be alright because they are "the baby" but we middle children are always left wondering what our position entails.

Then, in the blink of an eye, we are parents and we see our own middle child and  it suddenly clears up a lot about the position.  Middle children need to be reassured that their position is valuable and they are not missing out on anything. They watch carefully what has happened and what is happening with their younger and older siblings and usually use this as ammunition to make us feel parental guilt.

I would suspect that their high activity at an early age really has more to do with how we are as parents than how they are as middle children.  The parents already have relaxed their ways and the middle child instinctively knows they can push the boundaries out further.  They have watched what older sib has attained and can prove to you that they can do more.....higher, faster, louder.....and the list goes on.  This happens even before we become middle children as our activity level is higher even before #3 arrives.

Then when #3 arrives "middle children" as they now have truly become have already earned their badge and now they define the true image as they have younger sib to compete with......AAAAAGHHHH!


I like to focus on all the good things we middle children do........like hold things together.  Being in the middle is natural for us and since we are so conditioned to it we migrate to it in our work lives our social lives and pretty much in every aspect of what we are forever and ever.

So much so that at times in your life you wonder.....how the heck did this role happen to me....can't I get out of the middle?  Well the answer is ....Yes!  but it is hard work and you are continually egged on by those around you to lure you back into the middle.

Especially Moms love to lure you back into your role.  I actually heard my own Mother recently say to me.."You never have an opinion about anything!"  Now how ridiculous is that?  Of course I have an opinion.  I have just tried really hard to keep those opinions to myself and stay out of the middle of things.  She secretly cannot wait for my younger sibling to arrive to have a good fight with someone as I rarely take the bait.  A big disappointment to my Mom who is conditioned for  me to be the "middle child".

So stand up Middle children and unite.....you have choices.....and always remember there is good and bad about our positions.

Interestingly enough the only people we have to blame in this entire situation is our parents because they really could have stopped having kids and we could have turned out to be that spoiled youngest child and who would really want that?  :)


 



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